We will definitely sell your dick pics using this new legal form!

Yes we will, and you can too!

Gentle Zacharias
3 min readMay 17, 2021


‘Lo children!

If you’re anything like us (and let’s hope, for your sake, that you’re not) you’ve spent this week brimming with directionless rage. The frustration of having a beef and nowhere to serve it, as it were, is a constant bugbear of our modern life, and swallowing anger makes us queasy, so we turned to someone whose eyes have never once been accused of being bigger than his stomach:

Mr. Chompy Bits is an old model from Malifaux, our favorite wargame. This is the reason we got into this kind of thing in the first place, oh so long ago, but there are a lot of these models I never got around to finishing, for reasons.

Hannah is also from Malifaux. She’s a librarian; she made that mech suit to help her reach books on high shelves. You see why I love this game?

We Will Definitely Sell Your Dick Pics

If you’re not anything like us, you like dick just fine, but not so much that you want unsolicited daily dick in your inbox. Our cult’s legal experts have this week turned their attention to addressing this troubling oversight.

When you find yourself in receipt of Unsolicited Genital Imagery (UGIs, or “dick pics”), you may have many questions. Do you now control the rights to the Dick in Question? Can you make derivative works based on it? Are you authorized to dictate where this dick may be displayed in the future?

The Non-Exclusive Genital Licensing Agreement explicates all these fuzzy legal areas in preformatted black-and-white, allowing you to respond to UGIs with this form. We recommend making continued conversation contingent upon acceptance, for best results.

Non-Exclusive Genital License Agreementgentlezacharias.medium.com

A legal filing to turn those unsolicited dick pics into profit

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Gentle Zacharias

We rant about social issues, philosophy, mental health, and over-analysis of videogames. Join the cult (see the good stuff) at www.gentlecult.com